My Diary

I came to my blog and saw this in my drafts from 2020, am gonna post it as is "Yesterday chatting with my teenie lil one, we started asking who are we and what makes us tick and what makes us off. Long after the conversation, i kept asking myself who am I. So i started jotting in my mind and started discovering myself, asking questions. I am sure this is a mammoth exercise, but in a nutshell" 1. I am a mom first, no matter what, i am a mom and this is the most satisfying, life changing and beautiful role i play everyday and i simply love it. Teenie is my purpose and love 2. I like to work hard by default, i like to give my best and dont leave a stone unturned 3. I love like mad and i am senseless there 4. Sejal and Foram are my lifelines and i take time to trust people 5. I need to be busy with work or cooking or changing decor 6. I have OCD for cleanliness and order at home 7. I am a good cook only when i cook fast and simple 8. I can live on maggie for a lifetime ...

As i smell my new Bvlgari Omnia perfume on my wrist i also smell wet soil somewhere, it has started raining outside and I am over the moon. The weather in Hyderabad is so good, pleasant and windy. Just love it. Kailash Kher is belting Saiyyan on my headphone and how I cannot get Bawri? Lol! I am living in the moment these days. There is so much to do, settle the home, clothes to fold etc etc but I am turning a blind eye to all that and just doing what I love doing. Reading, lighting candles, setting fairy lights, fun cooking, journalling, walking, listening to music and chai-ing (if that's a thing). Who else loves Kailash Kher? I just love the depth of his voice and the amazing music of some of his songs!

I read a bit more than other years these past 2 years, whatever i could lay my hands on, be it books, information on net, gurus, instagram posts, pinterest etc etc. I realised that there are two ways to deal with questions/ dilemmas/ quandaries/ situations/ issues. You can approach them with a gratitude for all that you have and then seek answers or you could also do the same cursing everything around you and looking for negative situations and patterns. You dont achieve much sulking and complaining. Gratitude for what you have brings peace of mind, gives direction, frees up mental space for solutions and insights. I was not much of a wholesome gratitude person 3 years back. But gradually i have been shifting my mental focus, adjustimg my lens to see positive relentlessly. For instance, i was groggy today morning just before my exam but i redirected my energies gradually by thanking for blessings around me. Gradually i felt so much better and I could see through everything more clear...

I wake up to chilly winters sorrounded by chirping birds and clouds and mist. I havent seen such beauty and peace and quiet in a long long time. Duke insists on going out and i let him out in the backyard where he is gone for a moment and back the next, braving the cold. We make adrak tea and ponder on when exaclty we are going out for a walk. I keep delaying it. My old, lazy self. Duke is my 8 year old Terrier Lab furry friend. Next is seeing my daughter off to remote school in the room next to mine. Then me and Duke go for our long walk waving neighbours and fellow dog walkers out and about behind the anononimity of the mask. These long walks are those i detest the most before starting and love the most when on my way two blocks off my house. Gives me time to appreciate the natural beauty and helps me make to do lists and goals for the day. Menu for the day and salad combinations get done here! Alas, back at home with breakfast served, home cleaned and dishwasher loaded i grab...

Gautam Buddha once said ' You yourself, as much as any one else in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection." Your peace is your own to make and preserve! Its your prime responsibility to yourself. You cant let extraneous happenings fill your ears and heart. Care for the words of your closest and no one else. Let toxic people not be a part of your circle. In this fake world where people show fake lives on social media stick to your closest, i dont say dont be an extrovert but you gotta be ruthless in maintaining who you call your own. Dont be swayed by others opinions. Hold your own, care least of what others think and say. Your competition to be better should be with yourself, do not seek external validation. You are your own beacon.Your belief in yourself should be primary and non negotiable. Others words dont mean a thing except if it comes from the closest of the close. Your belief in yourself often ensures whether you fulfil your dreams or not. I have le...

When I look back on all of these 40 years, I see that I have always channelized my pain to perform my best or ace work or life or clamber mountain tops. This pain was sometimes professional and sometimes personal. Papa always said, 'let problems not define you, defy the problem' ! So, off I went scooting to drown in work, sometimes I found my answers and came out winning. Sometimes, I did not get answers or solutions, yet I always found valuable lessons, too precious to be forgotten. Sometimes I rested and sometimes I moved without a care. On my never ending quest in the corporate I kept on, oblivious of the pains and troubles that I kept surmounting, sometimes ignoring, which I felt became a part and parcel of me. I kept smiling when I lost a friend or a close one either to lack of time to connect or petty politics. I would rather have my attention to patting my back for some little victory somewhere at work or home than sulk or lament! Its been such a beautiful traversing jou...

While life is going at its unusually slow pace we are making friends with being home, taking care of our elderly, being busy without work, cooking watching random Instagram videos and discovering old friends. I could connect to many old friends and loved to see their growth n journey in last two decades or even more. Did several chats with college friends and met a bunch of school friends online and it just reminded how we are not getting any younger and how friends will always be friend. They cheer you and pull your leg like no one else can. I remember something from Little Things on Netflix which went on something like school and old friends are your connection to the past and who know you as you. Don't remember the exact lines, but yeah it did hit hard and is so true. With good old friends you don't need pretensions and they take you away from the rut. Well I have been studying a lot, what with assignments, exams and zoom classes. Its a time to be grateful to each single per...

It has been going on for a while now. Is this the world we want to give to our children? Why were we not prepared forthis? Why human being the most intelligent species on earth with such technological advanvements could not beat this. Why we let it spread? Why we chose to be so ignorant, greedy and unprepared as a race? We just dont have enough answers As I write this I am following a 3 day silence programme which i had planned to do a week back, but owing to a bunch of munchkins living with me who made puppy faces to dissuade me, I decided otherwise. But as soon as I saw a call for this silence programme by Art of living, I was hooked. I already feel some sort of order, some sort of therapeutic cleansing happening inside me. I feel so patient as well, maybe tolerant also. Lets see how far I am able to do this. Lockdown has indeed been eerily discomforting, when I see abandoned streets, empty parks, disolate restaurants, bars, grumpy people on the road, mostly out to grab groceri...

Iam back to the blog. I slowed down things at work end and took an extended leave. While I am studying and being with my family, I get time to reflect. And then i analyse a lot like a true Virgo. Mostly myself, my selfless loving family, life and my priorities. I have begun to like not being rushed, having time to read new books, to just breathe, to see the big picture and voila i have time to meditate and practice Sudarshan Kriya. In these times when the world around is so chaotic the kriya fills me with hope and positivity. It energises me to take each day head on. They say when life gives u lemons,,,, make lemonade what else. So while I heal from years of tireless hardwork and self neglect kriya helps me to connect dots better. I realised Whatever happens it happens for a reason. Whatever hardships you go through god always has a plan for you. It is ok to slowdown and catch your breath, its ok to live each day as it comes, it is ok to not have a plan. I was this control freak who...

Am i the the commanding manager at work or the submissive mom who lives to cook n feed? Am i the romantic at heart or the groaning mid life wife? Am i my golden highlights or the greys that catch me in the sun? Am i the considerate friend or the do not disturb, i am in my world loner. Am i the roast coffee girl or adrak ki chai person? Am i kind or i am weak? Am i the shy and quiet or the bubbly of the party? Am i a dreamer or the practical doer? Am i the person who is ready to walk a new path discovering trails and quaint places with my family or i wanna rule the corporate? Am i the invigorating snow clad peaks or the quiet of the beach? Am i the lover or an attention seeker? Am i the handloom saree with nosepin n gajra lady or frayed jeans with boots roadie? Am i a religious fanatic or a meditating mystic? Am i this or that or i am more? I am an ocean of contradictions and a bundle of non conformities. But this is what makes it me and my journey my very...

I have been reading books on parenting which started with Dr SPOCks to now the fattest parenting books in the bookstores to principals of ace schools in India writing on how to bring up children. All I understood is more or less message is universal n here it goes 1. Each child is unique and u should not compare children 2. Love them a lot yet discipline them also. 3. Encourage them n appreciate their uniqueness 4. Be there for them 5. Tell them i love you, several times a day 6. Listen to them, be quiet for some time n wait for them to communicate n tell u whats on their mind 7. Do new things now n then together like a new pottery class or rock climbing 8. Teach values n teach them to respect elders n value of sharing 9. Be an example for them, they learn by watching you. Be your best for them 10. Support them always 11. Give them age appropriate chores Tell me whats your mantra for raising kids?

Well, happiness is very relative. Some feel happy on something as small as a cadbury silk n some dont feel that elation even when a promotion knocks their door. I find happiness sometimes even when my little gal chuckles or sometimes eating pani poori. Even buying house, property cars does not make me over the moon. Its in the small things as they say. Connecting with an old friend or family always brings cheers to heart and a feeling that family will always love u hamesha and they never fail to bring smile on ur face no matter whats happening around u. So a family member connected after a long time n it gave me immense satisfaction. Now to update i started doing yoga and sudarshan kriya about a month back and one cant imagine what difference it is bringing to my life. I am no more the dauda dauda bhaga bhaga sa mom. I take pleasure in doing things slowly, i plan well, i am waking early, m so energetic through the day, though initially i felt all drained for a week 10 days, but now lif...

I had been meaning to read this book for over a decade. Ordered it on amazon on a listless day. From the first page I knew my life is changed. This book is a must read. It will nourish you like no parent can and charm you like no lover will. Its words will find you during some of your most vibrant moments and some really low ones. The book, the characters will stay with you forever especially Roark. Read it and keep the feeling safe. The book will raise a lot of questions within you. I am trying to find mine. Happy reading

These days a major part of my day is spent on the streets of Hyderabad. Its really hot and scorching sun here, but luckily no madness of the winters of North. I am happy to have come here. The glamour of Hitec City, the quiet of Hussain Sagar, the pristine Golconda, the hustle bustle of Chaar Minar and the awesome roads and numerous gardens makes for a nice city. Amidst the city's goodness i yearn to be a a child again, i long to visit the cities which acted as platforms to send me here, Lucknow, Allahabad, Kanpur, Jabalpur, Rajkot, Dhrangadhara. Small cities, little pleasures, no traffic snarls and loads of time. I wonder that in spite of reaching where i wanted to, in life, why i don't feel complete and at peace. Why something is always missing. Why i long to go to a quaint town n stay in a rural setting. Sometimes i yearn to be just a housewife and no daily targets and meetings etc. etc. Sometimes i feel fortunate to be working and earning for myself in a stable job. Yet...

I am writting after a long hiatus. It feels difficult to snatch out even a lil time now that my work profile has changed again. No complaints on that front coz this is what i always wanted to do. But, it is showing me a whole new face of everybody around me at work, i am unable to fathom the competitiveness that makes people lie, unable to understand what is more important than hard work and sincerity. Huh, while i pick up the threads around me, i celebrated yet another Birthday with good wishes of my family and good friends. The fitness n healthy living thing took a lil back seat but not for long. All i understand today is: 1. No matter how well you do in life, where ever you have reached, if you don't get time to sit down n have your breakfast, its really not worth it. 2. I will not hurry from this to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing, as i had been doing for years to keep things around me moving. I need to live those moments, i need to breathe, feel, exper...

This, dear ladies, you should never ever forget. Promise yourself to exercise for 2 weeks without break. You will get used to the energy, the lightness and the shrinking waist line. And, the effort you put for exercising will make you to constantly monitor your food intake, so there is always a voice asking you whether what u r planning to gulp down adds any value. So it becomes a vicious circle. You keep eating better and exercise as well. After 2 weeks there is no looking back. But be sure that you hang on for 2 weeks, rest will come automatically to you. Meanwhile there are several apps online to track your fitness. Keep it on your cell, visit it often n take inspiration and log updates. Increase water intake, fibre, raw food, whole wheat. I lost 2 kgs last month. So whats stopping you

Some people use diaries, some journal in app and some just mentally keep a tab of their food intake, exercise and other key areas. I find solace in writting all thats going on. Fitness is no exception. I use this chalkboard n weigh my progress compared to previous day. Just rub off the lastnight jottings n add fresh ones. Keep it honest and doodle all u want. Happy tracking and keep fit.

I was sitting in my office yesterday and was candidly remarked on office profile pic of mine which had been taken fairly recently. I was told, lo and behold that how old is this pic? When I remarked fairly recently I was told oh you have aged so much. Now this pic is just 3 years and yet people said that I had aged big time. What the heck? Hey, hang on! I use good creams, i feel happy using them. I am ok with XL clothes also. I shop healthy at the supermarket, I don't have wrinkles, I am just 35. Yet i am aging. No please. Here I was sitting after a good bath, feeling good after some 6 hours of sleep and my schedules were fairly good these days, compared to last two hellish years. Yet, I had aged and big time! Ok! Fine! However hard i tried to ignore the parlance of this morning, I have aged and fairly fast at that. But why? Now, what is aging? This is what I asked coz I wanted answers and quick ones. Was it ok or bad to age? Its ok if you age as time progresses, but accelerat...

Whatever the title might suggest, i am not ill or dying. Yet I forever wanted to list things I wanted to do or experience before mortality strikes, so here I go, however silly it may sound. 1. Climb a mountain and spend night under the stars reading in night lamp. 2. See lil one graduate 3. Get celebrity makeup and attire and get clicked 4. Do something for abandoned girls 5. Live in a cabin house for few months every year 6. Grow my own fruits and vegetables one day and live in an open farm 7. Spend some time in Auroville If you are reading this, do write down what is it that you must must do in this lifetime and please do it dear friend, coz these rich experiences and moments that make you alive is what real life is. Start making plans on how do u fulfill that list and give a pat on your back whenever you reach any milestone. Cheers to life!

Weight loss was what i kept looking at and tried to manage for several years. It was never about good health or skin, avoiding diseases, ageing without exorbitant hospital bills, my bone health, my stress levels. I gained and lost and gained again to lose. But i constantly had this at the back of my mind to eat healthy, avoid biscuits, too much oil etc. etc. Yet, the struggle was always there. The change started about an year back when i was gaining inspite of my constant feeling of being on diet. i cared lil about late night snacks, binges of bakery products etc. Yet now that age is catching up and i am more aware of diseases that happen due to junk overload in our bodies, the whole relationship with food is changing. Instagram accounts of people following paleo diets, of moms on other side of the globe in search of good food options for growing kids, of healthy individuals incorporating fruits, raw vegetables more and more has led me to think and change. These little changes are hel...